avoiding contemplation of mortality proves to be a futile endeavor. the mere thought summons a torrent of sorrow and remorse, a palpable weight that once stole her breath, now morphing into an oppressive grief, choking her with each inhalation.
as the years accumulate, the once paralyzing anxiety transforms into an all-encompassing sadness. layers upon layers of grief envelop her, an insurmountable mound suffocating every breath, leaving her submerged in sorrow.
contemplating her own demise brings a flurry of unanswered questions. would her own legacy endure? would tales of her goodness, her immense heart, her selflessness, and her role as a devoted mother linger in the minds of those left behind? the unending uncertainty sends her spiraling into an anxious abyss, devoid of control.
a tapestry of twenty-six, nearly twenty-seven years of friendship, shared joys and heartaches, laughter, and profound silliness suddenly grinds to an abrupt halt. the abruptness is jarring, and she grapples with the injustice of a beautiful soul snatched away without warning. death bows to no one, seeking neither approval nor fairness.
death, relentless and impartial, extinguishes the chance for future shared moments. no longer will the familiar refrain of "heeeyyyyy! like a chump!" grace her ears, or the infectious laughter over a drooling lollipop, or the amusing spectacle of a kitten toppling over after sniffing his feet. the familiar greeting of "hey hooker!" and the unwavering presence on every birthday now reside in the past. the void left by the absence of a soul with a wicked sense of humor echoes loudly.
the memories linger – selfless love, ceaseless laughter, a shared appreciation for all things spooky, an adoration for adorable kitties, and a fondness for skulls that could fill endless pages. the ache of her absence remains surreal, an unresolved disbelief echoing in the question, "how can this be?" grief, an unwelcome companion, permeates every facet of existence.
in the harsh reality of loss, grief unfurls its oppressive tendrils. a relentless force that defies comprehension.
indeed, grief fucking sucks.
