in her words
putting my thoughts into the world one writing prompt and memory at a time.
Thursday, February 29, 2024
complicated
Tuesday, January 9, 2024
grief
Monday, December 18, 2023
incapacitated
her eyes reluctantly open and the weight of despair suffocates her as she reaches for the phone to see what time it is. it's 0232. she feels the pressure of a full bladder but doesn't want to move. she feels the emptiness of their bed with only her in it. if she just lays still enough, quiet enough, she can fall back asleep.
but she can't.
the moment her eyes open, her brain awakens with relentless torment. she can't shut it off no matter how hard she tries. a plea echoes within her brain, "make it stop." just for the day. just one day she would like to shut off her brain.
but she can't.
she replays every scenario she has questioned over the last few months. she finds the lies. she finds the happiness. she finds the sadness. she finds everything but him. she wants desperately to find him.
but she can't.
he made his choice. it wasn't her. he walked out. he left her in a wake of despair and confusion. his decision echoes like a never ending funeral. it was like she slammed into a brick wall that never existed before. she wishes she could change everything that happened.
but she can't.
she's tired of crying. she's tired of holding her mouth shut to dampen the anguish wishing to escape her. she doesn't want anyone to hear her cry. she doesn't want anyone to see her cry. she just wants to hide away.
but she can't.
she can't escape the feelings. the pain. the heartbreak. it's all too much for her. the one person she wants to care, doesn't. he left. he doesn't care. she wishes she could make him care.
but she can't.
the pain engulfs her like a thousand fire ants all at once. it hurts so bad. while she has felt this pain before, it has never been this intense. she is in her own personal hell wishing to end the suffering. wishing to sever the unrelenting grip of despair. she pleads with herself, "make it stop."
but she can't.
she exists as a pile of discarded leaves decomposing in the darkest, loneliest, saddest corner of the world. this is her testament to the withering of her hope and the erosion of a once vibrant spirit.
Monday, December 4, 2023
persistence
Wednesday, November 29, 2023
origins
Wednesday, June 14, 2023
gratitude
Saturday, June 10, 2023
secrets
she's the kind of girl everyone falls in love with the moment they lay eyes on her. she's strikingly beautiful. her red, brown, and white hair contradicts her ice blue eyes. one look into those eyes and people melt. her age doesn't show in her face, or in her physique. she looks young, and moves effortlessly. she soaks up the attention and the endless compliments thrown her way.
she deceives them.
but not me.
i know when she paces back and forth that something's on her mind. i know when her eyes dart around that she's feeling uncertain. i know when she stiffens that something has caused her to be defensive. i know she doesn't like when she isn't the center of attention. i know she doesn't like when there's someone younger around.
i know.
i remain alert at all times, because you never know when she might snap.
i've seen her snap. she unleashes a violent rage at a moment's notice. she has broken jaws, sliced through skin, bitten faces, arms, and legs. she has murdered. she has no problem taking another life and shows no remorse or guilt for her actions.
she has never been caught or sentenced. instead she continues to live life as if nothing ever happened. maybe she doesn't remember snapping. maybe the violent fits of rage are moments when she blacks out. she lazes about and continues to deceive person after person.
she is a monster masterfully hiding her rage behind a mask of beauty. they'll never truly know her until it's too late.
complicated
their fates entwined unexpectedly, and she was not prepared for the whirlwind of emotions he would stir within her. in the gloomiest of days...
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their fates entwined unexpectedly, and she was not prepared for the whirlwind of emotions he would stir within her. in the gloomiest of days...
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her eyes reluctantly open and the weight of despair suffocates her as she reaches for the phone to see what time it is. it's 0232. she f...
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the day has been rejuvenating . thoughts were fleeting, leaving a sense of peace in their absent silence. chores were done when she felt lik...